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’80s icon Corey Feldman apparently ate three pounds of gravel, recorded a single, “Ascension Millennium,” and released a music video.

Proceed with caution: you can’t unsee this video.

No one actually knows what an “ascension millennium” is, other than possibly being the two biggest words Corey Feldman knows. But apparently it’s a lot of Goonies references, Michael Jackson dance moves, and Sean Astin.

The saddest part is, Feldmaster was sitting in his Feldmansion, listening to this song and thinking, “YES! This is the perfect comeback song.”

Maybe? What do you think of the solo project?

–Sydney Holmes/Fresh 102.7 

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