Day one at New York City’s newest and most talked about restaurant, Joanne Trattoria, is in the books and the reviews (or shall we say lone review) is less than mediocre.

What was all the pre-opening hype about? Well the restaurant is owned by Art Smith, the patriarch responsible for the inception of our Mother Monster, Lady Gaga.

With reservations in the 70-seat restaurant booked into early March, food critic Steve Cuozzo was able to squeeze himself in for a meal that he sorely regrets.

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Joanne Trattoria, which is chef Smith’s first incursion into New York City dining, features “traditional Italian dishes with a touch of Southern soul.”

After reading Cuozzo’s review, it appears the “soul” in question is possessed and in need of an exorcism.

The busboys serve a concoction of sparkling and stillwater while Poppa Art is left to bus tables in a dining area that Cuozzo describes as smelling of “acrid-smelling burnt vinegar.”

Ummm, maybe that helps keep the flies away.

Ambiance and odor aside, how was the food, Steve-O?

“Grilled calamari with bitter greens and radicchio were the worst I’ve had in a lifetime of squid-mongering, the salad unseasoned and the calamari like leather. One-note orecchiette with shellfish recalled the flaccid pasta commonly doled out along Long Island’s Jericho Turnpike — or at 35,000 feet.”


But if we’re looking for some positives to help build their confidence and take the necessary steps to improve, we can look at the lone high note of the night.

Tony Bennett was there.

Just a shame he’s a crooner and not a cook.

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  1. This is obviously a ploy done by MADONNA to try to bring down Gaga’s parents’ restaurant. MADONNA is an evil and sick woman. She knows no limits. She will even try to attack Gaga on a personal level, attacking Gaga’s parents restaurant reputation. This woman needs mercy from God, because she is a sad individual. She has no talents and needs to resort to stuff like this. SHAME.

    The restaurant was not open for the press, yet there comes this EXTREMELY BIASED article WITH THE ONLY INTENTION to make everyone think the restaurant is bad. This is an EVIL PLOY. Madonna, you are so talentless that you need to go so LOW? You are VERY SICK AND EVIL.

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